The Trouble With Epiphanies
by Infernal Rose
Summary: 'It hit him like a slap in the face. With that one realization, the perpetual high he had been on since reuniting with Gary sent him crashing down to the metaphorical ground.' This is a GaryxAsh slash, and yes, it does have a happy ending. With lots of fluff.


_**A/N: This is my first Pokemon fanfic, and I'm thinking it's going to be a oneshot. We'll see how it turns out by the time this chapter is done. I hope you like it if you read it. I apologize for any errors.**_

_**Warning: This story will be shounen ai, which, to the inexperienced, means boy love, and will include, at the very least, a boy kissing a boy. I have put the warning and if you don't take heed, it's your own fault, so don't flame. If you do, I will ridicule you in my next A/N about anything I can come up with, which includes your intelligence, since I have found that most flamers who aren't happy about slash/yaoi/shounen ai, seem to have limited intelligence, and/or grammatical skills. I have no sympathy for bigots. You have been warned.**_

There are a number of thoughts and feeling that run through a person's head when they first realize they're in love. It varies depending on the situation, and the person experiencing that particular moment of revelation. In the case of one Ash Ketchum, the sudden epiphany that told him he was in love did not make him happy. In fact, he would go so far as to say that he was royally screwed. Ash had never really thought much about love before, having cared much more about pokemon and training. He'd just assumed that he would meet a nice girl when it was time and settle down with her. It was only now that he realized that love didn't go according to plan.

It had all started because he'd returned to Kanto a few years after coming in second at the Unova Pokemon League. He'd decided that he wanted to take a few years to train, learn new things, heck even study pokemon and strategy from books. So he had traveled through every region he'd ever been to once more, this time by himself, not taking on any of the Leagues. Just traveling, training, gaining more experience, battling with other trainers, even challenging Gym Leaders to see how they'd changed and improved. He met new people, new pokemon, just interacting with them, and learned more than he would have thought possible when he first started. Sometimes he'd even stay a while in one place when he found a teacher. Without even realizing it, he grew to be more mature. This wasn't to say he was a completely different person. He was still the same boisterous, determined, and friendly person that he'd always been. He simply knew how to hold still, listen, and observe now. When he finally reached Kanto, a few months before he turned seventeen, he decided to take on the Pokemon League in his home region once again. And of course he won, realizing his dream of becoming a Pokemon Master.

After that he wanted to be close enough to train with all of his pokemon, not just the number he was able to carry with him at one time, so he returned to Pallet Town, much to his mom's delight. He began helping Professor Oak with his research, which gave him a chance to satiate his newfound love of learning new things about pokemon, and also gave him opportunities to satisfy his wanderlust, since Professor Oak sent him to different places for research, so he didn't go stir-crazy at staying in one place after so much time traveling. Life was going really well for him, and he was happy. It wasn't till the first time Gary came back to Pallet Town after a prolonged stay in Sinnoh to report his research findings to his grandfather that Ash's problems began.

. . .

Meeting Gary again after so many years was strange. There's really no other way to put it. Ash knew that they got along better after they'd gotten over their petty rivalry, but they really hadn't had the opportunity to see each other much since then, so he wasn't used to it. That was quickly remedied though, as they frequently did assignments for Professor Oak together when Gary was around. Given the chance to get to know Gary as more than the arrogant kid he had been, Ash began to realize that he liked being with Gary. He would always seem a bit cocky to Ash, but as they grew closer as colleagues and as friends, that became more of a charming and endearing trait than something to be annoyed about, especially as Ash noticed that it was more of a habit for Gary to act as confident as he did than any form of narcissism. Ash liked his confidence, and the way he always had fun with his job; it was almost impossible to be in a bad mood around him, unless he was in a snarky mood. Ash couldn't even see that as anything other than humorous anymore. The loving and uttermost care he showed pokemon was a side of him that Ash was happy to be one only ones to know about, as he worked alongside him.

For his part, Gary had, in the beginning, relished the chance to better know his childhood rival, who he had come to respect. And for him, also, feelings of fondness and friendship grew towards Ash. With each new thing he learned about his comrade, he felt closer to Ash. He had already known, to a certain degree, of Ash's determination and competitive nature, but seeing things about his friend's personality, such as his enthusiasm and excitement over all things pokemon, never failed to make him smile. An actual smile, not the smirk that was usually all anyone was able to draw from him. It never failed to amaze him how easy it was for Ash to make him smile. He found himself growing protective of Ash, especially in the face of his childlike naiveté.

It grew to the point that Ash became sad whenever Gary had to go on a longer term assignment away from him. It was after they received news that Gary would be going on one of these assignments that Ash had his sudden epiphany as to what his feelings of despondency at the thought of being separated from Gary for large periods of time meant. It hit him like a slap in the face. With that one realization, the perpetual high he had been on since reuniting with Gary sent him crashing down to the metaphorical ground.

Ash was aware that Gary cared for him, but it was one thing for him to know Gary loved him as a friend, and another thing to even consider that Gary could return his feelings. If there was one thing he knew about Gary, it was that he was undeniably straight. He'd had girls chasing him from the time he first started his pokemon journey for crying out loud. A thought that sent a pang through his chest and added yet another issue to ponder over to his growing list. Did loving Gary mean he was gay? Or was Gary just an exception because he was . . . well, Gary? He really wasn't sure, because before this point, he was sure he would have immediately been adamant that he liked women; however, he also knew that before he realized he loved Gary, he had never really taken the time to pay attention to men as anything other than potential friends or rivals. Wasn't it wrong of him to have such feelings for his best friend, who was also a guy? Would Gary hate him for feeling this way? The very thought created such a deep feeling of pain in his heart that he decided never to risk it. He could never tell Gary how he felt. The only relationship they could ever have was one of friendship. Despite the fact that he felt something die in him in the face of this resolution.

. . .

Gary watched Ash closely as they hunted for oran berries, the last small mission for his Grandfather they would be doing together for awhile, as he was leaving for his long term mission the next day, and would not be back for the next three months. Ash had been very quiet since he had received the mission from his grandfather, and he was worried. This was Ash, who he knew was hardly ever quiet, and certainly not for this amount of time. News of the new mission had come a week ago now. Ash Ketchum, loudmouth extraordinaire, quiet for a whole week. So Gary was worried.

"Hey, Ashey, you missed a berry plant," he called, pointing, in an attempt draw him into the friendly banter that almost always occurred as a result of the nostalgic nickname. But it was not to be. Ash merely glanced up at him for a brief moment before backtracking to the plant Gary had pointed out. Gary exchanged a worried look with Pikachu as they continued filling their bags with the berries. However, they were working now, so He couldn't confront Ash till later. Confront him was exactly what he did, though, as soon as they had left the lab after handing in the berries.

"What's bothering you, Ash?" Gary asked, putting a hand on Ash's shoulder to pull him to a stop in the middle of the empty dirt road, having signaled Pikachu to go ahead to give them some privacy. Ash tensed a little but didn't answer, keeping his gaze glued firmly to the road. This only served to increase Gary's concern. Ash Ketchum was acting . . . _meek_. Those words didn't even belong in the same sentence; it was an oxymoron. "Ash," he said intensely, reaching out a hand to tip Ash's chin up and consequentially forcing Ash to meet his eyes, "what's wrong? This isn't like you."

Ash swallowed nervously as looked into the burning gaze of the man he had recently come to love. He wished desperately that he could think of something other than how warm Gary's fingers felt against his skin, how right it felt to have Gary touching him. He wanted more than anything to think only thoughts that didn't prove even further to himself that he thought of Gary as more than a friend. Something other than how beautiful Gary was, or how much he desired to be held close and wrapped tightly in his arms. To think only thoughts that wouldn't ruin any semblance of a relationship he could hope to have. Thoughts that wouldn't destroy their friendship. He wanted to cry, but Gary was looking at him and waiting for an answer, so he held back the tears that were waiting to escape.

"There's nothing wrong, Gary. I just wish you didn't have to leave again," Ash said. It was partially the truth. He had never wanted Gary to stay more than he did now. However, he couldn't help but feel that it was for the best that he and Gary be separated now, to give him time to come to terms with the feelings he had discovered towards Gary. If Gary was already sensing something wrong, he could only imagine what would happen if he stayed. That didn't make it any less depressing to Ash though.

"Don't you lie to me Ash Ketchum," Gary growled, his eyes seeming to burn in a way that Ash felt deep in his soul. "I know you miss me when I have to go, Ash, you have every time. This is something different, and we're not moving until I find out what's wrong."

_This is bad_, Ash thought, jerking his chin away from Gary's lingering hand and returning his gaze to the ground. That had been his only hope at diverting Gary since it was a part of the truth, but now that Gary had found him out, there was really nothing Ash could tell him. Even if he could come up with a believable excuse off the top of his head – which had never been his strong suit – he was a terrible liar. Gary would never believe him, he knew him far too well. Not for the first, time, Ash wished he had never realized his feelings. That he was strong enough to hide it better. That Gary wasn't so observant. That he wasn't so completely aware of just how close to him Gary was standing now, and that he didn't feel so tempted to just give in and tell Gary how he felt, despite knowing how wrong he was for feeling that way. But he couldn't tell him, so the only thing left was to convince Gary that he was okay.

"I'm really fine, Gary. There's nothing wrong, I'm really just a bit more upset than usual because you'll be gone longer this time. There's nothing to worry about." Ash was careful to make his voice sound normal, and he looked into Gary's eyes and smiled when he said this, willing Gary to believe him, or at least let the matter drop. Being in such close proximity to Gary as he was questioned about the cause of his pain was slowly killing him inside.

Gary froze when Ash looked up at him with a smile plastered on his face. _Wrong._ This was wrong. He could clearly see pain set deeply in Ash's searing dark eyes. He could clearly see the lie in that fake smile. Such pain did not belong in those usually cheerful and determined eyes. Such pain should _never_ touch his heart. Gary would have done anything to prevent it. And yet, here they were, with Ash hiding this pain from him, preventing him from helping. Not allowing Gary to help him or to comfort him. _This is wrong. _Ash stared up at him still with that unaccustomed dimness in his endless black eyes, that mockery of a smile dying on the face that had become so dear to him as Ash waited for him to say something. Those eyes that were full of hopelessness. _Wrong._

Without conscious thought or action on his part, Gary pulled Ash close to him, crashing his lips down on Ash's unbelievably soft ones. _Right._ Ash fit perfectly against him, the way nothing ever had before. This was how things were supposed to be. Not sad and hopeless, but warm and right. _I love him,_ Gary realized. But Ash was stiff in his arms, and as soon he noticed this, Gary pulled away, and looked cautiously down at his best friend.

Ash was paralyzed in shock. Gary had kissed him, and it had felt so right. He raised a shaking hand to touch his lips. When he did, he felt wetness on the side of his face. _Tears,_ he thought numbly, trying to process what had just happened. Gary had kissed him. Why?

"Why?" Ash whispered, looking up at Gary with tear filled eyes. Gary's heart clenched painfully at the sight. He didn't want Ash to cry, ever, and he could only hope that he hadn't caused this by kissing him. The realization that Ash might not feel the same way was reminiscent of being plunged headfirst into cold water.

"I just had an epiphany," Gary admitted. "I love you, Ash." Gary had never been more nervous in his life than he was as he waited for Ash to respond to the bomb he had just dropped. So he was terrified when Ash let out a noise that was somewhere between a laugh and a sob. But then Ash wrapped his arms around his neck and kissed him gently on the lips.

"I love you, too," Ash whispered with his first genuine smile in a week, despite the tears that were now gushing down his cheeks. They were happy tears. Gary instantly pulled Ash against his chest in a tight hug, his breath leaving him in a sigh of relief, as he buried his face in Ash's wild black hair. Neither of them knew how long they stood like that, but it was quite a while before either of them moved, and Ash's tears gradually slowed to a stop.

"Was that what was bugging you so much?" Gary finally asked, still a bit concerned, though he had noted the look of sadness and pain had disappeared from his beautiful eyes. Ash looked away and nodded, a pink blush suffusing his cheeks. Gary cupped his face between his hands with a soft chuckle, tilting Ash's face towards him again. Ash caught the question in his eyes.

"I didn't realize what I was feeling until we found out you were going away again," Ash explained. "I was scared and confused, and I thought that you would never feel the same way," he finished softly, his eyes darkening just a little in sad remembrance. Gary stroked his right thumb soothingly across Ash's cheekbone, and Ash turned his face into the hand and kissed the palm, and Gary's breathe hitched at the sweetness of the gesture.

"I love you," Gary said once more, reverently, as he took the time to revel in the thought now that he wasn't filled with astonishment at the revelation, or nervous about Ash's reaction. It was enough to make Ash's eyes fill with tears again, though they didn't fall this time, and his face brightened with a breathtaking smile. Gary couldn't help but lean in to kiss him again, hungrily.

He plundered Ash's mouth reveling in his sweet taste, and Ash wound his fingers through Gary's thick hair, kissing Gary right back as thrills like electricity ran throughout his body. When he felt Gary tongue gently probe his lips he opened himself up for him, trusting him implicitly to guide him through this previously unexplored territory. He moaned into Gary's mouth as every crevice of his mouth was caressed by Gary's tongue, and clung to Gary as pleasures he'd never experienced before swept through his body. Ash pulled away only when it became imperative that he breathe, and Gary's mouth immediately latched on to his throat, gently sucking and biting in such a way that Ash felt no pain.

They were stopped by the arrival of Pikachu, who returned when he felt that he had given Gary quite enough time to talk to his trainer. The yellow mouse pokemon did not understand the private scene it was interrupting, and promptly climbed to settle himself on his accustomed spot on Ash's shoulder, drawing a startled laugh from Ash, and a sigh from Gary, who pulled away from Ash with more than a little reluctance. Seeing the happiness on Ash's face though, he couldn't help but smile.

"Ash," he said, coming to a quick decision, "I'm going to tell my grandpa that I'm sitting this mission out." He captured one of Ash's hands and kissed his knuckles. "There's no way I'm leaving right now." Ash looked at him, slightly startled.

"Are you sure?" Ash asked. "I'll be okay if did go." Gary shook his head as he leaned in to rest it against Ash's, still holding his hand in a strong but gentle grip.

"Even if you would be okay, which I doubt, I certainly wouldn't. It was hard enough to be away from you when I hadn't realized how I felt about you. Now that I have, I don't even want to imagine how miserable I'd be," Gary said, stroking Ash's hand with his thumb. Ash smiled and his eyes were filled with relief as he nodded his agreement to Gary's words. Pikachu looked curiously between the two of them. "Stay with me tonight?" Gary asked with his eyes closed. Ash nodded again, unwilling to be separated for any amount of time at the moment. Gary smiled as he pulled his head away from Ash's. "Let's go then," he said, pulling Ash along by his hand down the still deserted road.

"You do know that I'm never going to let you go, right?" Gary asked conversationally as they walked. Ash gave him a startled look before breaking out into a grin.

"I wouldn't have it any other way," Ash answered, pulling Gary's head towards his and sealing it with a kiss.

_**A/N: So there it is. That story was just begging me to write it, and I'm quite pleased with how it turned out. Once again, I don't have a Beta reader, so my apologies if there are any mistakes. Also, if you read it, as you really should have if you're reading this, PLEASE REVIEW! I won't know if other people like it if you, as a reader, don't review**__**.So please, I'm depending on you!**_


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